I have nine things on my To Do list for this weekend, and, certainly, an endless number of things that belong on that list, but somehow didn’t make it there. And, yet. And, yet I have accomplished exactly one of those things listed. The day is young and all that, but I don’t actually see those statistics improving. It used to be that if I made a list for myself I checked those tasks off with the efficiency of a seagull swooping in to steal potato chips at the beach. I am a professional list-maker, and those printed lines energize me to finish all of the things. But, lately, I’m completely unmotivated, and I carry lists over from day to day watching them get longer and longer. This week in particular has been challenging–filled with doctor’s appointments, work, kid schedule juggling, sibling schedule juggling, husband schedule juggling, phone calls, lacrosse games, too much take-out eating, more doctor’s appointments, and worry.
The worry is pre-mature. I know this to be true, but I can’t help it; I have become my mother.
I’m experiencing a couple of health issues. Most accurately, to be quite honest, I’ve been experiencing a health issue for well over a year, but it has not been well defined, and that lack of definition coupled with fear have prevented me from talking to anyone besides my husband about it, and now, it appears, there is a second concern.
Depending on who you talk to, I have been diagnosed with Type II diabetes. My A1C is apparently confusing (My keyboard is dripping with sarcasm as I type that since the AMA is very clear about this, and it’s a number on a scale of numbers, how confusing can it be?) and the many different interpretations of my number have slowed this diagnosis, but I am prepared to call a spade a spade. I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around this diagnosis even though I have “known” in my heart for a while that it is the only explanation for my symptoms.
It started with a tingling sensation in my feet well over a year ago, possible a year and a half since it took a while to address it medically. You know how it can be sometimes, you feel something, but you don’t necessarily attribute it to anything until it grows. My feet, actually just my left foot in the beginning, began to tingle at night. Then both feet began to go numb, then burn, then, occasionally stab with pain. When I first brought this to my doctor she sent me to a podiatrist who examined my feet and declared me perfectly fine. My A1C at that point was “a little high, but not in diabetic range.”
But, the foot pain continued to increase. Diabetic Neuropathy was discussed, but, I was told, that doesn’t typically show up until you have had diabetes for a quite some time. And, my A1C was not in line with the amount of pain I was experiencing. I was sent to a neurologist who did some testing and put me on gabapentin for the pain and suggested that I go back to my PCP to be put on Metformin. My PCP did prescribe the Metformin, but it made me horribly ill, so she took me off of it, but did not replace it with anything.
For the last year and a half, my fabulous husband has rubbed my feet every single night. The gabapentin helps, but it does not completely relieve the pain, so he rubs my feet, which also helps, but does not completely relieve the pain. I take the pills, he rubs my feet, and I race to bed to try and get to sleep before the pain gets too bad. I wake up around two and take more pills. Sometimes I cry. Sometime we to to the ER, but they don’t offer anything except Percocet which doesn’t help the actual pain, but does put me to sleep.
My appointment with the neurologist on Monday turned into three appointments this week.
- Monday was an appointment for a gabapentin refill. I knew as we were talking and he kept doing more testing: reflexes (strange reflexes I didn’t even know were reflexes), walking in a straight line, etc, that the appointment had turned and was no longer routine. He said my reflexes were brisk, and he noticed my big toe was behaving in an “alarming” manner. He asked if I had any injuries to my neck. As the discussion continued we realized I also have weakness in my legs, and occasional difficulty pulling words out of my brain.
- Wednesday I had an MRI of my neck. I have not heard results yet, but the neurologist had stated that if that turned out okay he wants to do another MRI of my brain. I’m no fool; I know what he is thinking,
- Friday I saw my PCP, who still believes my A1C indicates control, but, since the neurologist wants my sugar to be addressed immediately and aggressively, and since I am unable to tolerate metformin, she put me on victoza.
It’s all a little overwhelming. And, I know I have to talk to my siblings about it, but I need all of the information first. I just want to document it from here on out because the history is so long that I don’t want to forget any more.